[1]Editor’s note: Here are a few quotes about Christmas time that might bring a smile to your face this coming December 25th.
--The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. --Joan Rivers
--There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmas time. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. --P.J. O’Rourke
--Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. --Larry Wilde
--Mail your packages extra early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. --Johnny Carson
--Once again we find ourselves in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. --Dave Barry
--Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts. --Anonymous
--In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’ --Dave Barry
--The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is probably only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. --Johnny Carson
--What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? You call them “Claustrophobic.” --Anonymous
--Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. --Phyllis Diller
--The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. --Jay Leno
--Why is Christmas Day just like a day at the office? Because you do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. --Anonymous
--Christmas is truly a wild race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet. --Anonymous
--Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. --Tom Sims
--I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. --Bernard Manning
--Anyone who dares to believe that a man is the equal of a woman has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. --Anonymous
--There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. --Erma Bombeck
--Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. --W. C. Fields
--Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” --Victor Borge
--Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.--Anonymous
And my favorite:
--I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. --Shirley Temple